So now that you're here, I want you to grab a cup of coffee, a glass of wine or maybe some tea.
Go on, I'll wait.
Right off the bat, I have a confession to make...
I have no idea what I’m doing.
I love my husband, I love our kids, I love my friends, I love my neighborhood, I love my church community, I love where I’ve been and I love my goals for the future. LOVE it all. But when it comes to knowing with full assurance that I'm making the right decision in any given situation? That, my friend, is a rarity. I have reservations, I have doubts, I have fears. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of being judged by others. I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid the choices I make will damage my kids. I’m afraid of rejection. Terrified. Scared. Whatever you want to call it. And all of this makes being the "responsible adult" so much more difficult than I ever anticipated.
But I’m also aware that anything that I do in life that is WORTH IT is probably going to be difficult and is going to take some serious effort. It’s going to take time, blood, sweat and tears, sleepless nights, early mornings, missed lunch breaks, investments, sacrifices, heartache and trial. It’s going to produce wrinkles, gray hair and bags under my eyes, but it’s also going to bring joy, provide security and give comfort unlike most other things.
When you COMMIT to something and see it through to completion, the sense of accomplishment and pride that accompanies it is like nothing else. I think about my marriage and my kids - I have never committed to anything in the same way that I've committed to them, and I'm so proud of where we are and where we've come from. BUT that’s not why I’m writing this blog. Yes, I do want to commit to this blog and to sharing my life with others, but more importantly, this blog is for everyone who stumbles upon it. I want to share my experiences with this city and these boys so that everyone can know that the ridiculous rollercoaster that is parenthood is REAL. The triumphs and pitfalls, the dread and the joy. It can be monotonous, disgusting, hysterical, terrifying, disheartening, emotional and exhilarating and it’s never what we expected. Can you tell me one parent who’s life is EXACTLY how they had imagined? No. No one ever said that. Ever.
BUT THAT’S OKAY. And it’s NORMAL.
I want to share my life so that isolation can be avoided, so that people will realize that there’s no such thing as one “right” answer and so that authenticity will abound and spread like wildfire; because that’s what we need. No more plastic; let’s get real. Everything that I write won’t be for everyone, but I’m sure most can find something that is relatable or laughable. Yes, everyone.
You, with the crazy toddler around your ankles.
You, who see’s two pink lines, but feels guilty that there’s no celebration.
You, whose eyes have been crying all night.
You, with yesterday’s spit up on your shirt. And down your bra.
You, with the child who “should have grown out of tantrums by now”
You, who is hungover after drinking all the drinks last night.
You, with the child who you won’t focus on homework. Again.
You, who’s been told that you should, “be a better parent”
You, with so many kids that people point and stare.
You, whose house is so quiet that it’s painful.
You, with the kids about whom people remark, “Oh, mine won’t be like that”.
You, who feels like you’ve failed when you’ve barely just begun.
You, with the newborn who has not. stopped. screaming.
You, who is having a hard time getting out of bed. Getting dressed. Getting out of the house.
You, with the boy who is so sensitive that you don’t know how to correct him.
And you, who can relate to all of the above. And I know you’re out there, because I’ve been that person too.
So, really what I want to say is "Welcome". I’m so glad you’re here. Let’s do this together and see if we can make some sense out of this thing called “life”.